Current college students and recent grads know about the outside speakers that come onto campus fall into two categories:
a] Life Decisions, alcohol, sex, diversity,
b] Esoteric academe subjects like Neoliberal Economic policy in Brazil.
our next 90 minutes or so will be either: boredom, preaching to the choir, or the rare mindfuck that gives you a new perspective(s) on life. Before each talk, I wanted to know what I was getting to and checked their backgrounds online. All I could usually find about these speakers were their personal websites and their itineraries of traveling across the country speaking at colleges…
So, I wanted to give a heads up of what you’re committing your next 90 minutes to…
Bob Hall – not to get run over by the drive.
His focus was the necessity of direct and frank communication in relationships. Given that we all have different perspective of sex (because of different upbringings, experiences on dates, own philosophies, etc), each of us shouldn’t presume that their perspectives on relationships and sex is the same as yours.
He makes a good point that, we don’t spend enough time talking about sex and relationships with our partners (even though the culture in America exploits it for economic gains).
Most importantly, if you’re not direct in the beginning, it leads to conflict later on and more drama in the relationshiup (of clashing expectations, i.e. if you’re trying to make a move and the other is annoyed by it).
Made the good point we need to talk about these things, since, after asking everyone in the audience to raise their hand if they personally knew anyone who has been raped/violated/ 90 % or so raised their hand.
He gave a good example:
Guy and lady go out to dinner and a movie. Back to one of their rooms. Guy (in his head, asks self: “So, should I make a move now, how do I ? Did she have a good time ? What’s in her mind ?! How far (if any) does she go or want to go ?! How far do I want to go ?!” Then she sits on the bed, he’s wondering if he should put the arm around her, move closer, meanwhile, both of them are trying to decipher each other’s decisions ; and often awkwardness and/or miscommunication happens.
I laughed and remembered how that was all too similar a past experience. So, instead of those awkward moments or ending up playing games [trying to figure out what the other wants while you reveal you what you want (in the relationship)]. You need to find out who you want to be with regards to sex; and talk to the other person about it directly.
So, overall, it’s a good talk, clocking in at about 80 minutes or so (without q&a) and is recommended if you’re in a relationship at all (the advice is applicable to hetero, bi or homosexuals) or will be anytime in your college and adult life (which is most people).
Or in brief: Talk to your partner about your relationship and sex. Never assume anything.